I Did It For The LOLZ Read online



  I DID IT FOR THE LOLZ!

  ROBERTO ANTONIO EVANS

  COPYWRITE 2015 CESAR A. EVANS

  Momentous

  ♦

  You gotta keep moving

  forward

  the moment you get stuck

  the movement stops

  the waters stagnate

  Your heart is

  a lake / a pond

  a body of water

  &to not stir it

  builds algae

  debris

  and chokes the Fish  – your emotions

  and rots the Birds food – your ideas

  and builds up on the Roots- your stability

  and blocks out the Sun – your passion

  You move forward or retrograde

  there is no in between

  but for a moment

  like a pendulum swing

  &it will swing back

  but this time

  a wreckingball

  Jump ship

  or change course

  but there is no remaining

  the same

  There is no

  “Standing room only”

  TIME RECORD AND COURSE

  ♠

  I could of grown scales

  with as cold

  as my heart

  was

  words were (no)where

  and I didn’t know

  what time it was

  we were managing…

  [WE]RE

  managing,

  Coping.

  Syndicating.

  Projecting.

  Illuminating.

  Retrieving.

  Stalemating.

  Enunciating.

  Liberating.

  Setting:

  TIME

  RECORD

  & COURSE.

  TRAIN (A DREAM)

  &in the distance

  a train

  unclear if it was

  coming or going

  the shutters

  on the

  house

  creaking

  wind speaking

  through its

  horizontal

  vents

  fingers on

  a harpsichord

  a pan flute

  the wind

  ran along

  the panels

  of the house,

  and onto the

  lawn

  its waves

  waking

  uncut

  coastal grass

  And I knew I was a wake

  at least for a moment.

  it seemed real

  Like I could

  reach

  and touch

  a hand

  whose knuckles

  brushed mine

  a cup of coffee

  reading

  the paper

  leisurely…cautiously.

  &it all made sense

  Why not

  so

  A wake?

  Why not so awake?

  Blanket (ANOTHER WH?)

  Jagged fence

  you cut me

  &i could never

  understand

  what you meant

  Why the hands in pockets

  Why the staggering of self

  Why the deficiency of marketing techniques,

  you got to say more than you mean

  .Still-served.

  cold/

  nihil·ist

  Why the contrast

  Why the taking-of-self/

  when this

  is

  the only blanket I have

  Years later

  This became prove,

  Hurt on a bike

  And you misunderstood

  Sight

  Sorting through old photos

  and I notice myself

  6 – 2 – 5

  years past

  and I notice myself

  i can hardly recognize

  my gaze

  expressions so different

  eyes seeming like they

  want to hide

  & impress

  And then i see this other photo of me

  Laughing

  Yelling

  Uninhibited

  Unbrooding

  Not restless

  but

  On.

  So damn On

  Different

  more like the original

  Visceral

  Like the one from the womb

  Like seeing my hands for the first time

  back lit /sunshining /recognizing fingers through your stomach lining

  (it was just a moment)

  but lately, you’re reminding me of it

  of me

  remixed

  retold

  found again

  like hands digging through soil

  gardening shovels

  finding the roots

  You found the roots.

  You found the roots of me

  that I had forgotten

  where I let the moss in

  that I had back-shelved and aged

  regarded as foul

  transcripted & transpired

  through years

  And left for Owls

  empty hands

  were all that had I been digging up

  dirty and black

  with years backed

  up in my fingertips

  Nothing to retell

  or savor

  .transitions.

  &somewhere

  some old saint prays,

  “God, with your help

  I will be”

  me”

  /me

  .me.

  Yellow Sweater

  There’s nothing charming about being out of place

  Ill-fit sweaters are no good

  Even if they appear to fit

  All the while

  the thread is unraveling

  loop by loop

  yellow thread

  coming undone

  Coming undone

  like-a-snake

  moving out of its skin

  when it knows

  it’s time.

  Frictioning

  Wearing it

  but already dead

  The only evidence

  the wake in the sand

  and the husk of a snake that doesn’t fit

  As a kid

  I removed all the tags

  from all my clothes

  I couldn’t wear them

  I’d scythe on the floor

  I don’t do that too much anymore

  maybe I should

  (or maybe I do)

  Why the snuffing of self?

  When its only natural progress?

  Hear it in the deepest parts of you,

  Move on…

  Onward.

  Onward.

  Three(Souls)

  I definitely believe

  in multiple personalities.

  Like the tribe

  that said

  you have 3 souls:

  one in your shadow,

  one your reflection in water,

  and one in the pupil

  of your eye.

  and somewhere they align.

  or intertwine.

  or make up poetry,

  sometimes

  lines

  that rhyme.

  or not.

  Drunk Talk ...at 12pm

  ♠

  i just want to love shit

  you know

  like “for real”

  deal away

  with insecurities

  hang-ups

  isolations


  let it “flow ”

  you know??

  ??

  Awesome. (My Favorite Poem)

  Shit got real.

  Then it got weird.

  And then

  it got awesome.

  Times. New Roman.

  im not sure i could be friends

  with the person  i was

  5 years ago.

   

  I mean, maybe.

  but we would definitely

  have our differences.

   

  One would think

  ‘you drink and swear.’

  One would say

  ‘you’re missing the point”

   

  One would make it a point

  to not get off track.

  One would make sure

  his goal is in the right place.

   

  One would say,

  you have the good in there,

  but you care too much

  what other People think.

   

  The other one

  would know it’s true

  -but still not get away.

   

  One would not want to hang out

  with,

  (and perhaps)

  strangle the other one.

   

  and I guess that’s what happened.

  Name change

  &a play off game

  Tragic.

  Such a tragic Soul

  all of us

  and what’s it good for

  except to write rock n roll

  songs?

  (And shitty poetry.

  Don’t forget the shitty poetry).

  Does it go anywhere?

  All the angst and wanting?

  all the desire and longing?

  not here. not now.

  we just sit

  and write and fuck

  and drink

  and steep

  in fruit fly filled dreams

  yeah you..

  I’m talking about you.

  TRUTH

  Some people

  get cooler

  when they drink.

  Some People

  DON’T!

  bright.

  are there bright things in this world?

  yes.

  do you have to search for them?

  (of course.)

  and why not,

  they managed to hide all

  the things that matter

  wrapped up in bandages,

  and excuses

  nothing to hold on to

  its their fault they made it so

  but you can’t stay there.

  no, you can’t stay there.

  the walls

  will fall on you

  the soil

  will amber you,

  keep your feet moving

  the creditors

  will claw you

  and take

  what was never theirs

  (and with interest)

  and make

  a spectacle of you

  on the

  regional news.

  but you can’t let em

  not this now

  not this when

  not this tomorrow

  never again.

  Pius

  too pious

  to stay

  silent,

  too (damned) indignant

  to make sense.

  ever